Realistic and Alternative Messages that Fairy Tales Really Tell You

Photography: Dina Goldstein

When I get bored, this is the result... Call me a pessimist.

Cinderella: Just because the shoe fits doesn't mean the man does.

Snow White: Don't accept food from strangers. Especially creepy-looking ones. Not even free food.

Rapunzel: Don't pull your hair out if someone orders you about and no one comes to your rescue. Pull yourself together and rescue yourself.

Rumpelstiltskin: Don't go around promising your firstborn child away. NEVER a good idea.

The Frog Prince: Don't go around kissing random animals. You'll most likely get a disease rather than a prince.

Sleeping Beauty: Don't touch pointy things.

Beauty and the Beast: Don't expect to always be able to change the beast in the man.

The Little Mermaid: Don't expect to get what you wish for in the end.

The Swan Princess: Fine feathers don't always make fine birds.

The Snow Queen: Don't freeze people out or yourself in.

Puss in Boots: These boots are made for walking. Own it.

The Ugly Duckling: Don't let others' opinions dominate your life.

Hansel and Gretel: Don't expect eating a house made out of sugar won't give you an awful stomach ache (and one crappy house owner).

One Thousand and One Nights: Don't expect to get away with anything just because you have the gift of the gab.

The Princess and the Pea: Sensitivity is good ... in small doses.

Little Red Riding Hood: Don't talk to strangers in the middle of the woods. Especially not those with an animal magnetism.

Goldilocks and the Three Bears: Don't break and enter, poke around people's stuff, sleep in their beds or eat their food. Just don't.

The Nightingale: When you cage in the free, expect a change of tune.

The Emperor's New Clothes: You'll hear the truth from children and drunks.

Thumbelina: Small people can kick butt and get the prince, too (duh).

The Swineherd: Don't be Mean Girls™.

Pinocchio: If you read this, you're likely not made out of wood, so your nose probably won't grow when you lie. If it does, seek a doctor.

The Boy Who Cried Wolf: Don't expect people to give a s*** when you need help after having pulled their legs for the umpteenth time. Not even if shit just got real.

Humpty Dumpty: Don't be too self-assertive. On the other hand, you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.

Jack and the Beanstalk: Don't steal from (giant) people and think you can get away with it every time.